I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
