she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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