is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
