Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
