even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
