the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
