I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
