i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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