also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
