Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
