my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
