is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
