names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
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