Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
