You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
