Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
