Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
