if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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