Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He better not be in your backpack
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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