Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The struggles of a small town man whore
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
