He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
