ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
you had me at cake vodka
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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