Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
