anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
