Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
