I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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