Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
