Midget sex pt 2 tonight
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
