I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Couch. On fire.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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