What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
