i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
