After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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