We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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