Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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