Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
