Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
