He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
