So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
