I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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