i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
