how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
