FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
