I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
