I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
