I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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