i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
