I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
