It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
