You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
