I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
