If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
